Dumbo Doesn't Get Off the Ground

Dumbo (2019)

If I were to ask you which was more enjoyable, the two hours of harassment training or the two hours of flying elephant movie, you would likely choose the latter. Unfortunately, you would be sorely mistaken. Dumbo was a terrible rendition of an adorable Disney classic. The original was a tale of discovering that your differences can also make you special and that nothing transcends love. Tim Burton looked at the original story, fed it to a Dementor, then made this new version of Dumbo. Everything that you love and remember from the original is either omitted or bastardized. The mouse that guided Dumbo in the original has been replaced by a family of emotionally stunted circus performers. There is the son, who simply exists. He serves no purpose to the plot and is there just to balance out the more artsy shots. Then there is the daughter, who is stoic for the majority of the movie. She shows little to no emotion, even though her mother passed away only a few months prior. She wants to be a scientist so she looks at everything objectively, except when she doesn’t. Burton tries to build her as a strong female lead, but she ends up running into a burning building and needing saving in the end, mostly negating her growth. She didn’t even cry when Dumbo’s mother was dragged away, even though the passing of her mother was within the past year. Finally there is the father, a World War I vet who lost his arm. He used to be a talented circus performer, but then the war happened and now he is a father who doesn’t know how to be a parent, until he magically figures it out because he is taking care of an elephant. The movie focuses on their family dynamic, instead of following the adventures of the only interesting character in the entire movie, Dumbo. When Dumbo was on screen, which was only about 35% of the movie, he was adorable and a scene-stealer. Unfortunately, his cuteness was stomped on by various performers overacting (Devito and Keaton) or underacting (everyone else). While the acting was terrible, the scene that almost made me walk out was when Michael Buffer, the boxing and MMA ring announcer, introduced Dumbo by saying, “You’ve seen a horse fly, you’ve seen a dragon fly. You have even seen a house fly, but you’ve never seen an elephant fly. So let’s get ready for Dumbo!” I almost cussed in a theater full of children. This was a terrible film and studios should stop giving Tim Burton money. He has only made one good live action movie since the turn of the century (Big Fish). He is a terrible director who blew through all of his creativity in the 80s and 90s and has nothing to offer any more. Dumbo was a lackluster effort and easily Disney’s worst live-action remake. I give Dumbo 0 out of 78 years of not needing a remake of Dumbo.