Tomb Raider Finds No Gold

Tomb Raider (2018)

I saw Tomb Raider today. It was the second best video game movie I have seen, only behind the original Street Fighter. That isn't saying much, though. It was a bland action flick with elements stolen from far superior films. It was as if Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade had its heart ripped out by Mola Ram (deep cut right there). There was a disgusting lack of humor, so much so that no characters were relatable. I did not have any emotional connection to any of the characters, and I usually find Alicia Vikander and Walter Goggins, the lead protagonist and antagonist respectively, electric. Everyone, from the director down to the extras, just went through the motions on this movie. The twist for the main plot was interesting, but the twist for a potential sequel was derivative. For everything it did right, there were three things it did wrong. For every shot of practical stunts, there were additional shots with laughable green screen. For every scene with passable dialogue, there are scenes that could have been written by a 4th grader. I only saw it 2 hours ago, and I have forgotten half of the set pieces that led to the conclusion. If I didn't have MoviePass and an unhealthy obsession with watching movies, I would call this a waste of money, but I do enjoy watching bad movies to provide me with a full spectrum of quality. I give Tomb Raider 312 of the 1000 handmaidens that assisted Queen Himiko in real life.

Also, there was a scene in the beginning that, if realistic, makes me completely agree with people in cities hating cyclists.